This is a year that I expected a lot. Positive of course, I wasn’t ignorant of the negative that would happen, I was just sticking on the positive side, you know ,like we always told with this world.
As much as I wanted the positive to happen, I couldn’t stop the negative from happening. I won’t talk about the positive things that happened in my life this year , I’ll share about the negative through which I experienced God’s faithfulness.
I’ll just share two .
Like every other student, I looked forward to my graduation , and I tried pushing through with my research project. And one morning, I try retrieve my project from my storage and it’s missing, I stay calm to go through all my files to find nothing ,I check my mail box, nothing, what happened? I had this work saved in all these places ,I checked last night and it was here.
I froze then screamed bitterly, thinking of how spent my nights working on this project tore my nerves. I asked God a set of questions. The deadline of submission is two days and my work is missing. This would be the third time missing my graduation.
I was devastated. I then call my mum crying and she tries to calm me down , my friend Patricia Mollyne Mataga, says that people do the opposite when you ask them to calm them 😂😂😂 ,from my experience, this is so true. They(I) start afresh . Mum asks me to go for a walk and calm down.
Mommy and I.
For a moment I thought she was being crazy. 😂.
I did calm down and God began speaking to me, I had failed God 😭 . I didn’t trust He was with me and He still had greater plans for me apart from graduating.
Job 23:4 I would state my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments.
Why didn’t I remain positive like Job when he was going through all that we read about his life and faithfulness to God ?
Though I had “failed ” God , He still embraced me with His unconditional love that is ever bringing me to my knees 😭 oh Dear God .
Lauren Daigle ~Loyal
2nd stanza “you are always there for me ,you listen every time I speak ,you look into my eyes see the things I hide ,and say that you will never leave
Oh He loves us 😭😭😭 this “failure” reminded me of His unfailing love 😭😭.
I may not have graduated, but He is still faithful and I will wait.
And while I wait ,I will worship. Lincoln Brewster 🎧 while I wait.
December stepped in, I wasn’t looking forward to it despite the fact that we have our annual conference this month. I was “tired” of this year already . I was only looking forward to my birthday next year (6th January ) .😂😂
On 1st of Dec, everything changed. I woke up with a grateful heart , so happy about the new month. I embraced the new last month . I was joyful until 2nd when I began experiencing back pain , chest and my pelvic.
After leading worship that Sunday morning , things got worse while on the pulpit , I had to hand my microphone to someone else. I couldn’t move my body anymore, I knew if I stayed there more minutes I’d cause a scene. So I went out using the front door to the back of the church. Sitting another problem 😢.
On 3rd my parents took me to the hospital, I only got BAD news. I was referred to another hospital where all the DRAMA started.
I meet this lab technician who leads me to another room to meet two nurses who were going to handle my case . (Whole story , blog post for another day.)
One of them explains what is to happen and fear paralyzes my whole and all. The doctor comes in sees the fear on my face and my skin couldn’t hide it either , goosebumps all over. I look at the operation equipments and tears roll. The doctor walks out to give me time to be at peace with what was going to happen. I whispered to God , “God am scared ,could you make this painfull or at least be with me in this ?”.
He didn’t make the process less painful, but He was in it with me.
My encouragement, it doesn’t matter how bad that situation is ,painful, embarrassing, traumatic , He is with you. Don’t let go His firm grip of your hand.
One song that has been in my heart this season is by Neema grace “HUBADILIKI”